Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Relationships 101 - And Your City Park

If you are wondering about relationships and the glue that binds people together a good place to learn more about them is at a city park. As a society, we function better and achieve a higher level of productivity when couples are not poorly matched. Observing the actions of people at a public park is equivalent to taking a class in basic human interaction and can lead us to question the very nature of relationships or just as important the motivations behind them. You could call this learning experience "Relationships 101" and while it differs only slightly from watching people at a mall or other locations it is unique in that it often strips away much of the human facade making it harder to mask the truth by creating false purpose or diversions.

A Far Too Common Sight Is Couples Not Connecting
Observing people might give us a better clue as to how our culture and society might be failing in highlighting the importance of choosing a proper life partner. This also extends into how people choose to interact or why they take the path of solitude or loneliness. We should remember getting to a park often takes at least a little effort and most people with a park destination have given at least some thought as to what they will do when they get there. Weeks ago a small sign was placed near a favorite wedding spot for an event telling people to turn off their phones, it has since been removed, however, it might better have been left in place because in a park putting aside your phone does have merit or in the least garners some consideration.

A subject that is very interesting is what people do in parks, sadly in a world where people seem tethered to their phones far too many bring them into the sanctuary of nature. In parks, people scroll through their phones even while walking their dog, a baby or child even riding a bike. At times you see a couple and both of them are busy fondling a phone and not to take pictures but what appears as an effort to ignore the person they are with or escape the moment. Needless to say, some activities are based on two people having a romantic or close one on one connection and sadly some of these people seem rather unconnected or sporting a connection of convenience that gives off a vibe that screams neither love or even like. This underlines the idea that some "mismatches" should never occur and prove harmful over time.

Some Couples Appear "Mismatched"
The direction I have chosen to spin this article towards is the all important area where most of us go to chose a love interest of the opposite sex, however, it might also apply in cases where a "partner" of the same sex is determined to be a better match. While pondering relationships and what constitutes a real life attraction between the various couples wandering through the park I noticed many appear to have little in common with the person they were with. This of course was based on things like their interaction or body language and while opposites are said to attract these same "opposites" may be signs of an unhealthy union and eventually unite only to generate unhappiness. The bottom-line is relationships can be very difficult.

As I sat on the park bench with the person I considered my significant other what I saw caused me to wonder whether these couples had simply settled or were brought together by some other force or consideration. This question also arose when talking about a dysfunctional couple I had the misfortune of knowing that was heading towards marriage, in this case, I wondered which of the misfits was getting the worse of the deal. Even before tying the knot the man was voicing concerns his wife to be was overbearing and controlled every dime he earned, and he saw these as only two of her many unendearing qualities, to me these served as a red flag indicating it was a relationship forged in hell. I understand people become involved with others for many reasons but the motivation or pay-back from such a union does not seem promising.

Women May Be More Willing To Settle
The key question I found myself asking is who holds most cards in a relationship? We live in a world where men and women still have different cores and values and even as these get blurred by modern morality, people born at different times have different ways of viewing events. Are men or women more inclined to settle and accept a mediocre partner that is middling or unremarkable so they won't be alone? While the situation varies greatly from person to person my conclusion, unscientific or backed up by any polls, is that women are more prone to resort to simply take a partner because they are likely to be inflicted with the need to not be alone or desperate to not come across as unwanted.

Historically for men sex has generally rated high as a driving force in relationships. As they age men seem to be less social than women and the sexual motive tends to diminish as they find other interest to occupy their time, the fact that men are less social tends to feed into their ability to seal off emotions. Women on the other hand still are viewed by not only themselves but others as being more nurturing and caring in a way that ties them to their feelings and the desire to share those feelings with others. In the need not to be alone it is possible women win hands down, the bonus for all the miserable and flawed men who roam the earth it should allow them to rejoice in that it still leaves hope that somebody wants, or at least will be willing to settle for them.

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