Alzheimer's And Dementia Intrudes Into Everything

To those interested in how certain events alter a lifestyle, let me misspell any doubt you might have as to whether living with an elderly person with Alzheimer's or dementia alters your life. To be blunt, it tends to wear you down, ruin your life, or turn it into a living hell. This is not an attempt to compare it to any of the other ugly negative woes that inflict man or enter uninvited into our lives. 

Confused, delusional, and dependent on you, they are always there. They are the last thing you want to think about as you close your eyes to sleep and the last thing you want to think about when you open them in the morning. Even during the night, you hear them talking to imaginary people and rambling around the semi-contained part of the house where they can't hurt themselves. 

It should be noted that we should not expect a person's natural personality to change just because of dementia or Alzheimer's. A person known to be "difficult" will likely remain so. This means traits such as exaggerating, manipulating, and generally just being nasty and hard to deal with will continually resurface and not stay buried. This and dealing with their hallucinations, a common symptom of these diseases makes the challenge of caring for such a person even less pleasurable.

And Yes, They Do Hallucinate

An example of how devastating these diseases are took place recently in the parking lot at Sam's Club. During a mental meltdown, 94-year-old mom started frantically screaming that some people had just stolen her daddy and her baby. Considering her age both these possibilities seem unlikely. In such a case rationally talking to such a person does little to calm them down. While you might imagine people flocked to her aid, they didn't. Instead, they looked down and walk a little faster in another direction. In fact, nobody even offered help by returning the cart to the store.

While not putting upon you physical pain, like many of the other curses we face, these diseases rob the caregiver of their freedom and nibbles at their soul. It is always there and limits everything you do. The mindless babbling, the potential for an emotional meltdown, and the constant and never-ending intrusions creep into every part of your day. Those talking to them during a phone call or brief encounter may think the dementia sufferer they are talking to is lucid but that is because they do not realize the person they are talking to does not even know who they are. 

Did you have a hard time getting here? How's the family? Or, Is it getting any warmer out there are all questions dementia sufferers use to mask their confusion. At times these people can be spot on but most of the time they are not. When they do drop the ball and reveal they are oblivious to the world around them, the person experiencing a brief encounter with them generally interprets this as a rare occurrence rather than the norm. Often this is done to avoid admitting just how far the disease has progressed. 

After telling them a dozen times who you are over several hours you can ask them, "do you know who I am?" and generally the answer is no. This is one of the reasons we in the trenches that find ourselves caring for such a person sometimes, consider them as simply "bat shit crazy." Another thing, those suffering from memory loss are not always easy go lucky and happy, in fact, they often have little reason to be. Mixed in with their confusion is often anger at losing themself and their independence as well as fear and paranoia over what the future will bring as they get worse.

Protecting Them From Themself

All you can do is try to guide them and limit the damage they do. You constantly have to remind yourself it is not their fault, they never wanted to be this way. This leaves you trying to dispense compassion the best you can. They may not want to be a burden, but they are and society does not want them. The ugly truth is that the care they are likely to get in any "paid-for setting" is suspect. Such situations are filled with difficulty and danger. 

What do we know about the abuse and threats both physical and mentally put upon these people by the so-called poorly paid healthcare workers at the bottom of the system? Most of the promises of society to lend a hand are a lie and generally come to naught. These promises amount to no more than an expensive bureaucratic circle jerk. Enough said, bitching about the situation may clarify it but changes little. Most sane people that take on the task of caring for someone with dementia do so not so much by choice but feel they have to. 

The above reflects my experience during this rather difficult year. This was not written for the blog but in reaction to distant relatives that try to paint the situation of taking care of mom as no real problem. Some even allude to the notion it must be nice to be able to do things with her. For others of you facing a similar situation or should I say burden, I decided to put it out there for readers to see. For the record, these diseases are becoming very common. For more on this subject please visit the link below to see an article that appeared here last April.  https://brucewilds.blogspot.com/2022/04/living-with-older-parent-suffering-from.html

(Republishing of this article welcomed with reference to Bruce Wilds/AdvancingTime Blog)